


Luckily Cursed

by TsingaDark



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, First Dates, First Meetings, Lawyer Dan Howell, M/M, YouTuber Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 00:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10797561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsingaDark/pseuds/TsingaDark
Summary: Sometimes Dan thinks he might be a little bit cursed. He knows that’s bullshit, of course, but still, his bad luck regarding first dates is kind of conspicuous.





	Luckily Cursed

**Author's Note:**

> My cousin gave me the idea for this fic, as it is lightly inspired by his first date with his current gf :D  
> anyway, I might write a second chapter for this one day (when I've got the time), we'll see.

 

Sometimes Dan thinks he might be a little bit cursed.

He knows that’s bullshit, of course, but still, his bad luck regarding first dates is kind of conspicuous. He doesn’t think there’s ever been a first date he hasn’t spectacularly fucked up and it’s kind of a miracle he’s had boyfriends and girlfriends at all. Well, there’ve only been a handful of them, but Dan counts that as a win anyway, considering how the last time he met up with someone went. It had involved ice-cream, a fair amount of shouting and bird poop, and Dan can’t think about it without wanting to hide away in a closet from that horrible feeling of mortification he gets every time.

Taking all of that into consideration, Dan is about ninety percent sure he should just stop trying and live out his life as a single person, maybe with a dog or two. Or five perhaps.

His plan of buying a house on the slope of a mountain, where no one else lives that could perturb him, gets smashed to pieces when Chris comes round on a Friday evening to watch a weird French movie with subtitles, because _they’re art, Dan, you don’t understand_. (And Dan doesn’t. He’d rather watch Captain America to be able to ogle Chris Evans’ perfectly rounded butt.)

“There’s this guy,” Chris starts to say and Dan immediately knows that this isn’t about Chris’ new interest, this is about him, Sad And Miserable Single Dan, because Chris always tries to get him to date. For some reason he thinks that Dan can’t and doesn’t want to be alone. Only that last part is true though, and Dan wouldn’t even be alone anymore if he got a dog.

Dan groans in response since there isn’t anything that will stop Chris once he’s had an idea.

“He’s one of PJ’s friends,” Chris carries on, not caring about Dan’s obvious disinterest. “Very friendly, smart, a bit weird, but no one can trump you on that one anyway, and he’s into dudes.” Unlike the last guy he set Dan up with who was as straight as a ruler, he doesn’t say.

“Right,” Dan answers dryly. If he’s PJ’s friend, the guy can’t be that bad; actually, he’s probably quite decent. But still, Dan doesn’t date, and he especially doesn’t date people that Chris _suggests_ to him (more like forces onto him, but Chris would say that he’s simply very persuasive). Now that Dan thinks about it, the reason for his bad luck might be down to him only going on dates with people Chris recommends. But then again, he’d met Charlie at a coffee shop and that had been a total disaster, too.

“Let me show you a picture,” Chris says and Dan already knows that there’s no way he’ll get out of this.

And then Chris is shoving his phone into Dan’s face and Dan’s breath catches, because _holy shit_ , that guy is _gorgeous_ , and he’s already voicing his agreement before he’s actively decided to do so. Shit.

“His name’s Phil,” he hears Chris say as he grabs Dan’s phone from where it was happily hiding in a sofa crease and types in Phil’s number.

Dan’s so screwed.

 

***

 

In a moment of reckless madness Dan texts Phil. It’s a simple _hi_ , not asking for a date, not asking for anything really, apart from some sort of communication. Dan wonders if Phil even knows who he is or if he’s given a creepy first impression already, but before he can overthink the whole thing, Phil texts back, like he’s been sat before his phone the whole time, waiting for Dan to contact him.

Phil’s message is full of smiling emoticons and a handful of the weird ones that no one uses – at least that’s what Dan always thought – and Dan thinks he already has a pretty good idea of what Phil is like. And he’d be lying if he said that didn’t make him more attractive.

They talk for a while – actually, Dan forgets the time completely and thereby the pizza he’s had cooking in the oven that’s just a black blob by the time Dan is reminded of it by the rumble of his stomach. He’s annoyed and promptly texts Phil that he’s been distracting Dan too much, adding a photo of the now unrecognisable pizza, and Phil texts a series of crying emoticons and tells Dan that he’ll make it up to him over dinner perhaps?

Dan doesn’t even need to think about his answer, accepting immediately – not without thinking of a witty reply – and it’s only afterwards that he realises how stupid he’s been. He likes Phil, from what he’s learned about him so far, and he actually has an interest in getting to know him more, but he knows with absolute certainty that this will go horribly wrong if they decide to go to a fancy restaurant. Or even McDonalds or any other establishment for that matter because Dan can embarrass himself anywhere as soon as the word _date_ is mentioned.

He curses himself for a little bit and goes to share his sorrows with Tequila, not the alcohol – though that would be an equally rational option – no, his Aunt Betty’s cat that he’s cat-sitting for two weeks while his aunt is getting tanned in Greece. Dan’s secretly of the opinion that Tequila hates him with a passion although Aunt Betty always insists that Tequila won’t want to be looked after by anyone else but him. He highly doubts that Tequila has expressed anything in that regard but he absolutely believes that Tequila doesn’t get on with people other than Aunt Betty, including him.

Tequila loves cuddling up with Aunt Betty, curling up on her lap while they watch telly, but whenever Dan reduces the distance to less than two metres between them, Tequila will either hiss at him, try to scratch him when he’s in hitting range or simply get up and leave the room. The only times Dan is allowed to touch her is when she seeks him out – which only happens once in a blue moon – and that one time she had an operation and couldn’t fight him off.

Despite her obvious resentment towards Dan, she still listens patiently whenever Dan starts babbling and for that he is very grateful.

“He’s probably too good for me anyway,” Dan sighs, sitting on one end of the sofa while Tequila sits on the other end. “I mean, have you seen him?” Tequila squints at him. “He’s like a God.”

He gets out his phone and wistfully pulls up the picture Chris insisted on sending him. He shows it to Tequila who only hisses at him when he crosses the invisible line between them. “At least this will make a nice edition to my photo wall of People I Could’ve Dated If I Weren’t An Absolute Idiot.”

Without making a sound, Tequila gets up and struts out of the room. Dan sighs again as he sees her tail fade out of view. Even Tequila has had enough of him. He can’t blame her.

 

***

 

In hindsight, turning up to his date with Phil absolutely sloshed wasn’t the smartest thing to do when all he’d been trying to do was avoid ruining this as much as possible.

Dan doesn’t know why he thought getting out the tequila – not the cat, that’d be highly disturbing – was a good idea. He doesn’t even _like_ tequila, for christ’s sake. It’s too bitter and it fucking burns going down and without the salt and lemon it’s basically unbearable.

So, all things put together, consuming lots of tequila and not even bothering with a shot glass and instead drinking straight from the bottle doesn’t make any sense. In context, it’s even fucking stupider and if Dan had been thinking at all, he probably wouldn’t have touched any alcohol whatsoever.

The thing is, however, that he _had_ been thinking, but most of that hadn’t been the rational kind of _Oh, my date with Phil is tonight, I shouldn’t drink so I won’t make an idiot of myself_ and more of the anxious _I’m going to fuck everything up within the first two minutes, I need a drink so I will be relaxed_.

And fuck up he does. The first thing that goes wrong is that he completely loses every sense of time while trying to drown his nervousness. He only realises that he should’ve set off five minutes ago when Chris sends him a reminder to treat Phil nicely, otherwise he and PJ will come and kick Dan’s ass. Dan immediately jumps up, scaring Tequila, who hisses at him and then retreats under the coffee table, and hurries to the bathroom, basically leaping into the shower. Only after he’s turned it on, the almost too hot water descending onto him, does he notice that the bottle of tequila is still in his hand.

He beats his record of 12 minutes and 32 seconds in getting ready but has to backtrack when he’s already at the door and sees that he’s shirtless and with his zip and belt undone. He quickly runs back into his bedroom, haphazardly pulling shirts out of his closet and throwing them onto the bed behind him. Of course, quickly in this case means that he spends about 7 minutes and 14 seconds on finding the shirt that he thinks he looks best in.

By the time he’s actually in a cab on route to the restaurant Phil picked, he’s already late. To make matters worse, the driver hadn’t wanted to drive him anywhere at first when Dan had opened his mouth and only slurred words had come out. Dan is of the opinion that that simply happened because he hadn’t spoken to anyone in a while and just didn’t know how to speak anymore.

He hastily sends a text to Phil, apologising that he’s late and blaming it on the traffic. It’s not even a lie, the streets are swamped and it takes him ten minutes longer to arrive than it normally would. At least he doesn’t feel as wobbly anymore when the cab pulls to a stop and Dan clambers out after paying the driver.

Before stepping foot into the restaurant, he looks down at himself to check if he looks presentable at least and finds that he seems to be okay, surprisingly, apart from a few cat hairs here and there that he immediately brushes away.

It’s only when he’s actually inside, becoming aware of how posh exactly this restaurant is with it’s chandeliers and candlelights on every table and waiters in fucking _suits_ that he realises how much he isn’t sober and how fast this is all going to go horribly wrong the minute he opens his mouth.

One of the waiters greets him and it takes all of Dan’s willpower to not stumble over his words and for a second after, he holds his breath, trying to appear as normal as possible. The waiter looks at him a bit weirdly but then he beckons Dan to follow him and leads him to a table at the back where Phil is already waiting for him.

He looks even better in person and for a moment Dan forgets how to breathe as Phil smiles at him, his blue button down with black little hearts on it making his blue eyes shine even more.  

“Fuck, you’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen,” Dan blurts out before he’s even sat down and as soon as the words register in his mind, he wants to hit himself in the face, repeatedly. This is exactly why he should be locked away, never to interact with humanity again.

Phil looks taken aback, obviously not having expected that to be the first thing Dan would say. His mouth is open as if he wants to reply but nothing comes out.

“Fuck, shit,” Dan says, stumbling over his words. “I didn’t actually mean to say that.” He’s pretty sure he’s as red as a tomato at this point, from the alcohol _and_ the embarrassment.

“It’s, uh, it’s fine,” Phil finally says, fucking blushing, and Dan doesn’t even have the mind to gracefully slide into the seat opposite him, he just lets himself fall, miraculously not landing on the floor but the chair. “Thanks.”

“Sorry for being late as well,” Dan adds. Not that it matters much at this point because he’s already made an arse of himself and has been rude as fuck, but maybe this is somehow still salvageable. (In his dreams; Phil is way too good for him anyway.)

“It’s okay,” Phil says and fucking _smiles_ and Dan can’t quite believe that this is happening. He made Phil wait for about half an hour and he doesn’t mind? That can’t be right.

“I already ordered some wine,” Phil adds sheepishly. “I hope that’s okay.”

Oh, fuck.

Firstly, Dan does not deserve to be here with what is apparently the nicest person on earth. And secondly, he really can’t drink more unless he wants to puke on Phil’s shoes in about twenty minutes.

“Yeah, of course, perfectly fine,” Dan says, nervousness bubbling up inside him. He could say that he doesn’t drink, but he knows that statement would come back and bite him in the ass later. He could also say that he doesn’t drink _today_ , which would be perfectly reasonable, or even that he’s simply not in the mood for wine.

However, he does none of those things. It’s probably because he’s already halfway to drunk, but all of a sudden he thinks that having a bit more wine couldn’t be a more perfect solution for how anxious and nervous he feels with Phil’s soft gaze on him, so he picks up his glass and nips at his red wine. Compared to the tequila he had earlier it tastes fucking _amazing_.

So amazing in fact, that it doesn’t even take him fifteen minutes to empty his glass. He’s glad alcohol doesn’t have an immediate effect, otherwise he’d be more fucked right now than he already is.

The only good thing about this whole situation is that Phil hasn’t noticed he’s drunk yet. At least Dan hopes so. He goes into a lot of effort to try and appear as normal as he can, but a voice in his mind that suspiciously sounds a lot like Chris’ tells him that he’s _as subtle as a mosquito buzzing around one’s head_.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Phil asks, looking genuinely interested, and Dan kind of wants to cry a little bit. Even as drunk – or _tipsy_ as he would call it – as he is, he can tell that Phil is an amazing date.

Dan considers lying for a minute since he knows this is going to be over as soon as Phil realises how sloshed Dan is, but can’t. Phil’s so nice and Dan’s such an arse, he can’t be even ruder. “I, uh, I’m a lawyer.”

“Oh, really?” Phil says and he actually seems equally taken aback and excited. “Pardon me saying this, but you don’t strike me as the lawyer type.”

Dan snorts. For some reason, he hears that a lot. “And as what type would I strike you?” he asks with a smirk, unable to stop the question from coming out.

Phil lifts an eyebrow at that. “I, well, don’t take this the wrong way,” he says, looking nervous, and it makes Dan assume that he’s said this to people before and they didn’t react well. “Er, you seem more like an artist.”

Dan can’t help but to laugh at that. It’s either that or crying, and for some reason Dan thinks him breaking out in tears wouldn’t go down so well. “I wish,” he mutters under his breath.

“What do _you_ do for a living, Phil?” he asks louder, his name not coming out quite right.

“Oh,” Phil says, like he hadn’t expected Dan to ask that. Had he already asked that? He can’t quite remember.

“I, um, I make, uh, videos.”

Dan raises both eyebrows. “ _Videos_?”

Immediately his thoughts go in a very inappropriate direction, something he shouldn’t think about while being in such a fancy ass restaurant. And certainly not with Phil there looking all flustered and adorable.

“Uh, yeah, YouTube videos,” Phil clarifies. He’s fidgeting with the napkin on the table, his eyes flitting over the tableware and not looking at Dan.

“What the fuck,” Dan breathes, completely missing the way Phil suddenly tenses. “That’s the most amazing thing _ever_!”

Phil looks up and for a second he just stares at Dan, but then he smiles. “Yeah, you could say that,” he says with a laugh.

“I actually filmed a video once, but I didn’t upload it. I don’t have the talent for it anyway,” the words that he’s never really said to anyone suddenly come out and Dan immediately wants to cram them back in. It’s bad enough that he’s wasting Phil’s time as it is, but he’s making it worse with his mood swings and crying over missed opportunities. Phil really doesn’t need to hear how much Dan actually hates his life.

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Phil protests softly and, bless his heart, smiles at Dan, like he thinks Dan’s a genuinely nice person. Or maybe it’s a pitying smile and Dan just can’t tell because he’s so drunk. How he’s managed to hold a decent conversation so far, he doesn’t know. So far, this date has probably broken the record for his longest date without a scarring incident, despite the circumstances.

“Maybe you should try again,” Phil adds.

Just as Dan’s about to reply, the waiter appears at their sides, refilling their wine glasses without even asking – honestly, Dan doesn’t want to know how much the wine costs, otherwise he’d probably switch to water.

This, apparently, is Dan’s cue for ruining everything because a moment after the waiter’s gone again, he reaches for his glass. Except, he accidentally reaches for Phil’s glass – the wine must’ve finally taken effect, making his vision a bit blurry – and in the process manages to knock over both of their glasses.

The next few seconds happen as if in slow-motion but Dan feels glued to his seat and can only watch as the glasses tip over and the liquid spills over the entire table and down the side, straight onto Phil’s lap.

In all the ways Dan has managed to turn his dates into disasters, this must be the most mortifying one yet. Phil has been nothing but nice from the get-go, despite Dan being drunk and embarrassing, and now Dan’s paying him back by acting even worse than he already has.

“Oh, bugger,” Phil says, breaking Dan’s slow-mo vision. He grabs his napkin and begins to uselessly dab at the mess on his lap.

“Fucking shit, I’m so sorry, oh _fuck_!” Dan exclaims and gets up to help Phil at the exact same time the waiter comes over, causing Dan to stumble straight into him. By some miracle it’s not Dan who falls but the waiter, which isn’t the best outcome this could’ve had, to be honest.

Just as Dan offers the waiter his hand, he realises he might be even more drunk than he originally thought. There’s a split second where Dan thinks they might be okay, but then he loses his balance and falls backwards, half onto the table, dragging most of the tableware with him to the ground.

There’s an awkward second afterwards where everything’s silent. If Dan closed his eyes, he could simply pretend all of that hadn’t just happened. But then the chatter continues and Dan gets yanked up by his arm, the waiter’s red, angry face appearing before him.

Ten minutes later, Dan and Phil stand outside, having been escorted to the exit by the manager. Dan can’t even put into words how embarrassed he is by this turn of events. He honestly thinks jumping in front of a car sounds like the next logical step. That’d better than dealing with the mortification of Phil’s rejection and the fact that he can never show his face in this part of town again.

To his surprise, Phil starts laughing the minute they’re more than two metres away from the entrance of the restaurant.

“Did you– did you see his face?” Phil manages to get out, and Dan can’t help but join in, his still entirely not-sober mind finding the whole thing funny, too. So funny, in fact, that he laughs for about five minutes straight and can’t stop.

When he does, it’s to Phil looking at him, something in his eyes that Dan doesn’t know how to decipher because they don’t even really know each other yet.

“What?” Dan asks, kind of defensively, even though he doesn’t really have any right to do that because he’s the one who spectacularly fucked up.

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” It’s not really a question with the way Phil says it.

“Uh, maybe?” Dan replies. He knows he’s really let Phil down, and although it shouldn’t matter so much in the grand scheme of things, it makes him angry at himself. He likes Phil, because he’s witty and interesting and is into most of the things Dan is into, but Dan just had to go and ruin the chance he had, hadn’t he? It’s a good thing he’d known straight away that Phil was too good for him anyway.

“Was it the wine?” Phil asks, and Dan can’t understand why Phil hasn’t left yet. If someone behaved like Dan had towards him, Dan would’ve fled ages ago. Well, maybe he wouldn’t have, because he’d be glad that it wasn’t himself fucking up for once.

“Um, no, I, uh, might’ve had a little bit to drink before that,” Dan admits sheepishly and brushes a hand through his fringe, noticing that his hand his sticky from the wine. “I’m not an alcoholic though!” he hurriedly adds because, for some reason, his brain seems to deem that Very Important.

Phil just raises an eyebrow at that. It makes Dan feel like he’s eighteen again.

“It’s just, I, um– maybeIwasnervous?” He says that last part so fast, he’s not sure Phil will have understood it at all. He’s not going to repeat it though. It’s embarrassing enough having said it once.

“You– _you_ were nervous about going on a date with me?” Phil asks, his voice going high at the end.

For a second, Dan wonders if that is a trick question. Shouldn’t it be obvious that Dan would be shitting his pants at even the idea of going on a date with someone as perfect as Phil?

“Uh, yeah?”

“That’s–” Phil starts but doesn’t continue. If Dan didn’t know better, he’d say Phil was blushing. That can’t be right though, can it?

“Well,” he says then, his loud voice startling Dan a bit. “Since we haven’t even got to the part with the food, how about we go and have a burger somewhere? Unless you don’t like burgers and want to have pasta or maybe pizza or–”

“I’d love to,” Dan cuts off Phil’s rambling. He can’t quite grasp the concept of Phil actually wanting to continue this date, especially since Dan still isn’t even sober yet, but he’s not going to question Phil’s motives. After all, this is the first date that’s gone wrong and still hasn’t _ended_.

“Okay,” Phil says, ducking his head and smiling.

Phil’s pants are wet with white wine and reek of alcohol but so does Dan and he doesn’t care one bit. It’s a Saturday anyway, so they won’t really stand out if they don’t choose another fancy restaurant (which Dan will definitely stop from happening; one mortifyingly embarrassing incident is enough for tonight). The point is, Dan just knows that he can’t really mess this up even more and that fact alone relaxes him enough for him to dare and reach for Phil’s hand as they stroll down the pavement in search of something to eat. It still surprises him when Phil lets their fingers intertwine and squeezes Dan’s hand.

Maybe this was all Dan ever needed – someone who would stick around after one date and give him another chance – someone like _Phil_.


End file.
